Work Etiquette: Toilets

This situation assumes what I like to call ‘open cubicles’.

You know the ones where they helpfully don’t build the cubicle dividers to touch the floor so you can see the feet of the person next to you. And hear everything.

Here are some of the things that could happen;

You accidentally guff while peeing.

Your tampon falls off the loo roll dispenser and goes under the divide.

Your tampon falls off the loo roll dispenser and goes under the divide while someone else is there.

You fall off the loo roll dispenser and roll go under the divide*

You wee and forget to take your pants down.

You get your period and don’t have a tampon.

The loo roll runs out.

The loo roll runs out after you just did a massive diarrhea AND got your period.

Your vagina falls off mid pee **

You get attacked by a small badger in a Mao Tse Tung costume***

You end up writing an opera based on the works of Jilly Cooper****

- enough with the scenarios now - Ed.

*unlikely

** see *

***hum

****this is in no way a disaster and should be encouraged

Here are some important things to take note of before entering in the slash zone.

1. By ye shoes shall ye know her. And when it comes to peeing in women’s bathrooms - have a decoy pair in your bag at all times.
2. Poo and flush AT THE SAME TIME. Always. Never let that shit linger.
3. Periods can be tricky. Check your mood before you go in. If you are irrational, irritable, bloated, eating and in the middle of a whatsapp argument with your partner you are probably about to get it so make sure you have a plug for your gash. Or make sure you are in a cubicle with LOADS of bog roll.
4. Get a SheeWee and go pee in the gents just for LOLs.