Gemini
May 21 - June 20
A surprise blow to the face makes you reconsider botox. You develop a strange rapport with a spoon called Eric.
Aires
March 21 - April 19
A generous employee refills your stapler without being asked. A shocking lavatory incident will haunt your dreams for a least a month.
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
An unwitting murder makes you appreciate the benefits of a roll of Bounty and some Fabreeze.
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
A surprise meeting during a routine pirate themed party will leave you wondering if there is more to life.
Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
A biblical vision on Mount Sinai makes you wonder if you are of Welsh origin.
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22
A broken coffee machine will leave you frustrated but another avenue of hot beverage procurement will reveal itself.
Libra
Sept 23 - Oct 22
Finding balance will continue to prove problematic as you slowly realise you are a monoped.
Scorpio
Oct 23 - Nov 21
A relaxing weekend spent watching Netflix will result in a horticultural discovery that will shock the weasel community.
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
An impulse purchase will leave you wondering why your aloe vera just died.
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
A faux pas at a BBQ will leave you wondering if the purchase of that pantomime horse costume was really worth it.
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
A dead halibut in your shower makes you reconsider world-wide fishing quotas.
Pisces
Feb 19 - March 20
A brush with death leaves you wondering whether you should replace your wallet.
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